It sounds absurd to say now, but I thought my ex was the one. I was no holds barred crazy in love with my ex boyfriend and I can honestly say I’d never felt that way before. The relationship was unstable at times and we drove each other crazy, but even when he bailed on our future oh so many times, I still had a feeling deep down inside telling me that we had a future together. It was almost like I couldn’t ‘see’ that future, but had that ‘just knowing’ feeling that people talk about when they meet the one.
As it goes, my so called ‘one’ decided to break my heart and, possibly, leave me for another girl (not confirmed but assumed from the evidence I have seen online. Hey, social media stalking is totally normal after a break up). But this break up hit me hard. So hard that I cried in the toliets at a blog event just at the thought of my ex being on dating websites. So hard that one of my oldest friends proclaimed she was worried about me as she’d never seen me this cut up over a guy before (and she’d seen me get over a relationship that was even more unstable/up and down than this one!). So hard that I very nearly sold/gave up my expensive Boomtown Fair ticket just because I was scared I’d see him there with his new girlfriend.
Let’s look at the facts here though to really drive this home.
- Boomtown Fair has an estimated 60,000 people attend/camp every year, so you can imagine how slim the chances of me bumping into him would have been. But I do have the worst luck with stuff like that and always bump into people I know/ex’s at music festivals.
- My Boomtown ticket was something like nearly £300 altogether. I was willing to not only sell this but possibly even just give it up and not go and lose all that money.
- I am a girl that says yes to everything! I love random adventures and quirky music festivals so the fact that I almost said no to this just because of bumping into him made me so sad.
It sounds silly now, but I couldn’t even comprehend what I would do if I saw him with the girl he supposedly left me for. Or any girl. Or even just him alone. I was petrified it would ruin my whole experience, that I’d run back to the tent and cry for hours on end or get horribly, horribly drunk and do god knows what.
As it goes, I manned up and just went in the end, only with the belief that I probably wouldn’t even see him. And, the promise from my friend that if she saw him, she’d simply march me away with no explanation. I actually thought I saw him in the distance at one time and I panicked so much that I ducked behind a chair! But it wasn’t him, luckily, haha.
It was probably the second night when I was however many drinks in, dancing like a loony to a random band with my best friend beside me when I realized, ‘oh, hold on, I can’t actually remember the last time I cried over him’. And then thought, actually I’m kind of okay. Actually, if he was here, I doubt he’d be doing the same thing as me and that I was having a really bloody good time and that suddenly I’d come to realize that our lives had gone into completely different directions..and I was kind of okay with that.
It took a few more instances to help that feeling stick. It took me kissing a cute boy (who I probably shouldn’t have kissed) and donning a mermaid crown. It involved me doing so many insane and crazy things that weekend. My ex would never have done those things with me; he wasn’t a fan of trying new things. And when it poured down with rain and we were stuck in our tent for a few hours, I still couldn’t be sad. I thought about how my ex was probably hating this festival right now because it was just so out there so for it to rain and be cold would have been horrible for him. He hated to travel too and deep down I want someone who likes to travel and likes to say yes to adventure and crazy out there things.
So even though the hurt of how he left me and how happy he is is yet to go away (not that I don’t want him to be happy, I just think its a little unfair how he can leave me for someone else in a horrible, horrible way and be happy in a new relationship with no remorse), I am okay.
Boomtown would have been fun with him. He didn’t like to try new things, but, with a push, he’d give things a go with my encouragement. It meant I would have had warm snuggles when sheltering from the rain and an endless supply of butterfly kisses when waiting in line. It meant I would have had someone to carry me over all the mud and someone to look after me when I drunk too much. It meant I could have added more amazing memories to our once amazing relationship and honestly? It meant he probably would have had a more amazing time with me then what he probably did in reality (I assume just getting drunk the whole time and partying, from what I’ve been told about the people he went with – I can’t imagine he took the time to explore or experience all the crazy and fun things that I did.)
Oh, and this isn’t a dig at him. Even though he hurt me, he was the most amazing person I ever met. I loved him so, so much and I’m so, so thankful for everything he did for me and all the great times we had together. I’ll probably always love him on some level, just, due to the way everything played out, I just don’t like him very much as a person right now. Love him still in someway, yes, probably. But not like. And I know you all know what I mean by that.
I am enjoying being single and the prospect of adventures when I like with whoever I like. I am okay with making my favourite vegan pizza for myself now and I think I am finally okay with accepting that I’ll never see my amazing extended Romanian family again (who I still miss so much). I am okay with accepting he is the type of person to jump from relationship to relationship when I simply am not and cannot. I am okay with the possibility that I may just bump into him one day in the future and that I can be civil and nice..although luckily I can’t see this ever happening..!
But hey. I had an even more amazing time without him and that’s why this festival helped me get over this break up. So if you’re ever struggling to get over a break up, spend an obscene amount of money on a festival ticket without even doubting how much money you’re spending. Get your best friends together, make yourself a pretty floral crown, go to that music festival and say yes to as many goddamn crazy, unique and out there things you can.
Because after that, you’ll never look back.