I don’t know about you but I’m a little bit weird when it comes to dipping my toe into the world pool of dating again after a break up. I like to sit and mope for ages and, because I tend to fight for things to the end and struggle to let things go, I’m definitely not the type of person to just go out and date/have fun right away (so to speak).
I spend a long time worrying about whether or not dating and sex has changed since the last time I tried it (haha) and, when the time feels right, I’ll generally try a half assed attempt at dating again before getting bored and giving up.
Whilst most people tend to jump into bed with someone the moment they become single (because it apparently helps with the moving on process) I do the complete opposite. I know, for me, that when that time comes for me or said ex, it’s all over for good. Once you sleep with someone else, you cannot take that back. That’s the cut off point for me so that’s perhaps why I don’t do this.
Still, whether you take your time like me or you jump straight into it, it can still be tough to start actually dating again. Whether you’re scared, worried it’s all changed, have lost all confidence or simply don’t know where to begin, there are some small steps you can take to ease yourself in.
GET A MAKEOVER
First and foremost, take care of you. After any break up, I always focus on self improvement – not that I think I need a makeover, but because I crave change and because any break up leaves you feeling a little low in confidence. If a full on makeover is too much, try a new haircut, getting your eyebrows waxed and tinted or booking in for a massage. The most important person in your life is you again, so make sure you really look after yourself before doing anything else. This also counts for emotional self care too – write down your feelings, learn a new language or start bullet journaling.
START GOING TO GIGS ALONE
Ever missed out on seeing a great band live because none of your friends like them? The key is to start going alone. You can get there as early (or as late as you like), you can get to the front easier and it’s another great confidence boost. No one cares or even notices if you’re at a gig alone. And there’s plenty of opportunities to start chatting to cute guys, whether that’s at the bar or in between sets in the mosh pit. Plus, there are tons of chances to flirt using body language; you’re constantly standing close to one another.
ASK YOUR FRIENDS TO SET YOU UP WITH SOMEONE
Yes, it may be a disaster. But it also might be a lot of fun too. If you’ve never tried this, now is the time. No matter what the outcome is, you’ll also soon realize what your friend thinks of you when you discover who they pick!
GET ON THOSE DATING WEBSITES
If you can’t beat em, join them. 50% of people suffer at the thought of online dating whereas the other 50% have taken it in their stride. It’s the absolute norm now. I know no one likes to say they met their significant other online, but remember, at this point in time, you’re not looking for a significant other. If you’re just looking for fun, for company or looking simply out of curiosity, logging onto some dating sites will, at the very least, give you a confidence boost as you indulge in some flirty fun.
DON’T PUSH IT
Finally, some of the best advice I can give you is to just not push it. You may want to go out and sleep with everyone or you may want to hold on tight and lock down the next person that gives you attention but don’t do this just for the sake of it or just to fill a hole. Yes, this might be how your ex moves on and they might act and seem happy and make you feel like crap. But is it really healthy to jump from relationship to relationship or sleep around? No. Just remember, deep down, they’re probably feeling as sh*t as you are but are going one step further by either sleeping around and creating a reputation for themselves or jumping into a new relationship and inevitably hurting someone else.
You are better than that. If it feels right to sleep with someone, go for it. But don’t do it just because you think it’ll help because in actual fact you’ll just feel worse the next morning and regret it. You might meet someone who sweeps you off your feet, but be sure to separate your feelings of lust and being wanted again before you make a commitment. They may only be filling a temporary hole your ex left behind and you’ll only hurt yourself and them when you come to this realisation.
Do you have any tips for dating again after a long term relationship? Let me know..
*Please note, this is a sponsored post but all views and opinions are entirely my own.