Oh, The Sims. I used to love The Sims when I was younger, even though I never played it properly. I’d get bored playing the lifespan of an average sim and would instead spend ages building the perfect house, using money cheats to make myself rich or killing my sims in really stupid ways.
My boyfriend recently downloaded The Sims World Adventures for me on his PC and I’ve become such an addict since – and this time I play it properly!
Here’s some things I’ve learned since delving back into the crazy world of The Sims.
(Yes, I am a 27 year old woman…)
THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS THE PERFECT MAN
Clark had no ambition and wore his beanie hat ALL THE DAMN TIME, whereas Jean Luc Beaumont lived in another country (and was rich there) but was nothing but a lazy coach potato once immigrating to Simsville.
When it came to creating my ideal Sim, I played it cool and waited for him to ask me on a date…only to find he already had a partner. I’D ONLY CREATED HIM A FEW HOURS AGO (TWO DAYS IN SIMS LAND) and he’d already shacked up with my best friend and literal partner-in-crime (from back when I was a criminal mastermind). WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO NOW ALEX?
CHEATING ISN’T COOL MAN (& RULES FROM ROM COMS AREN’T TRUE)
The infamous ‘it doesn’t count if it’s in another post code’ rule from MOVIE is A LIE. It does count. If you fall in love with someone (Jean Luc Beaumont) in France and cheat on him in Egypt (to be fair I only cheated to find out information…) it will get back to him. And everyone. You will be branded a cheat, even back at home. Shame on you.
IT REALLY IS LIKE REAL LIFE
Days are so short and you NEVER have enough time in a day to do everything. Basically you wake up, shower, eat breakfast, go to work, come home, have dinner, have about two hours spare to watch TV/read a book, go to bed then do it all over again the next day. And don’t even get me started on trying to have an active social life; you don’t talk to your friend for a week because you’re too busy and then suddenly you’re not friends anymore. Okay, maybe that last bit is a bit unrealistic, but it’s really bloody hard to balance everything with work and a social life and whatnot, especially if your life long goal is to become a rockstar/travel the world.
I’VE BECOME A DAB AT GARDENING
In real life I’d never touch a shovel or anything but in The Sims my garden is blooming! I’m growing plum, apple and pear trees, all my meals are home cooked from freshly grown vegetables and I’ve even got a Death Flower bush – whatever that is..
WHERE THE BLOODY WELL IN HELL ARE BELLA AND MORTIMER GOTH?!
Don’t worry, I don’t plan to seduce Mortimer, I just miss those guys. They were a staple in The Sims, what with Moritmer’s moustache and Bella’s glamorous red dress…
Okay so that’s more of a question than a lesson but still…
YOU CAN BECOME A CRIMINAL MASTERMIND…FOLLOWED BY A SUPER SPY
Yeah, I didn’t think the police would hire me after being a criminal mastermind either. But hey, I figured my knowledge of the dark criminal world would help me progress further. I still got burgled though. A lot. Although I had the option of setting free the burglars when I did, though the policeman told me off when I did that…
CHINA IS BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously. Please can I visit in real life?! The gardens are beyond pretty and relaxing.
GETTING A RAISE REQUIRES MORE THAN JUST ‘WORKING HARD’
If you really want to get ahead, you need to put in overtime, study in your own time, socialize with your colleagues and more. This reflects in real life too, no? You can work hard during your 9-5 hours at any old job but if you really want to stand out and get a promotion, you need to think about other areas of your career too.
EXPLORING TOMBS CAN BE FUN..AND HARD
Okay I have no idea if exploring tombs in real life is actually fun or not (I’d assume so but that’s because I’m weird and always wanted to be an archaeologist when I was younger) but I can bet it’s pretty damn hard in reality too. Max Irons and his rather off putting moustache in Tutankhamun is proof of that.
FIGHTS CAN BE GLORIOUS THINGS
You insult someone a bit (my favourite insult is ‘Call someone’s mother a llama’), poke them and then disappear into a cloud of flailing limbs. After, if you so choose, you can console someone and apologize to become friends again. It’s a rather easy process and did wonders for my reputation with Jean Luc Beaumont.
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