As well as having a few dates from hell in my life time, I can admit that I’ve made some of my own embarrassing dating disasters – hey, no one is perfect..
Luckily I can laugh at these kind of things (if a guy can’t handle my crazy side then he aint worth dating) and they lead onto pretty hilarious stories. Here are some of the dating disasters I’ve made over the years.
Recently, I broke my phone. Well, when I say broke, I mean I smashed it on a night out, smashed it more on another night out and now sometimes it works perfectly (bar having a cracked screen) and other times it’ll just open random apps on my phone, type random messages etc. Once it even got stuck in Snapchat for three hours and I couldn’t swipe to switch my phone off then back on. But you know where this is going. I met a cute guy in London recently and I’m sorry but I have real ‘seize the moment’ feelings when it comes to this sort of thing and although I didn’t manage to get his number, I did manage to find him on facebook eventually.
If adding him and messaging him wasn’t stalkerish enough on my part (in my defence though, he did reply. He’s either as much as a dumbass as me for accepting my stalkerish behaviour or maybe he’s just a really ridiculously nice person), I was looking at his profile recently when my phone began having one of it’s episodes. Determined to stop my phone liking some random photo of his or something, I locked it and put it in my bag until I got home. When I eventually logged on again, my phone had somehow scrolled down his timeline and shared one of his life events to my facebook profile. *face palm*. I apologized profusely, but there’s no way he believed it was an accident. On the other hand, that kind of gesture is so batshit crazy that I like to believe no one would actually willingingly do that but who knows. It would only happen to me and I kind of wish my phone HAD just liked a random photo instead. At least then I could have laughed it off and been like yeah, sorry, I was perving on your photos, you’re fit..
A GOD AWFUL TYPO
I’d been seeing a guy for a bit, we stopped talking and eventually started talking again bit by bit. We arranged to go for a drink one evening and I was out shopping with my nan whilst texting him and I mentioned how my nan was driving me crazy. I put my phone away and it wasn’t until an hour later when I checked and saw his messages asking me why I didn’t tell him I had a baby…I’d only went and typed that my baby was driving me mad! (How my phone autocorrected nan to baby I don’t know!) Luckily, this one was easily laughed off.
THAT OLD SLIP OF THE THUMB
Of course, I have also done the accidentally liking of an old photo of someone. Except it wasn’t the guy I was crushing on at the time. It was an old instagram photo of his new girlfriend and I had no reason to even know he had a girlfriend because a) we hadn’t spoken in months, b) it wasn’t announced on facebook and c) I only found out on Instagram even though I didn’t follow him on Instagram. I immediately made my profile private but, y’know, the damage was done.
TYPO’S STRIKE AGAIN
Another time I was seeing a guy and it was early days. We’d met on Tinder but definitely hadn’t had that ‘are you talking to anyone else’ conversation yet. Although I later realized it was at this point he was starting to seem more and more off, he asked me what my plans were one day and I told him I was off to see my other nan (as in the nan I wasn’t staying with at the time), with lots of smiley faces. Three days later I actually realized I’d typed ‘other man’, and his reply was just ‘oh…cool’. I had no idea how to read that. It had sounded like a) I was leading two guys on at the same time and b) I was actually referring to him as ‘my man’ already, and his reply didn’t reveal much either. Another fuck up from yours truly.
I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW THIS HAPPENED
Once when I was a love sick fan girl teenager, I was nosing at a rockstar’s facebook, found his rumoured girlfriend on facebook and accidentally sent her a friend request without realizing. I finally noticed around three months later and she’d obviously seen the request. And the giant photo of said rockstars band as my facebook banner, therefore making it fairly obvious I was an obsessive fangirl.
SPACE CAKES MAKE YOU GO LOCO
Oh, when in Amsterdam. Not that I promote the use of drugs but, y’know, when in Amsterdam you gotta try the (legal, may I add..) space cakes. Did you also know that in Amsterdam, many clubs have unisex toilets? Well, one evening, after one too many space cakes (okay, well, I had one to myself instead of half for my first time like the man suggested), me and my friend got chatting to these super hot Australian dudes. We excused ourselves to go to the bathroom and agreed to meet back at the bar and whilst in the bathroom, I practically begged my friend to let us hang out with them for the rest of the night because the guy I was talking to was apparently so fit. And then, moments later, the guys exit from the stalls (in the unisex toilets) obviously having heard the whole thing… *facepalm*
And of course, there’s been many, many, many drunken messages. Sometimes they’ve led to a good thing but most of the time it just makes me come across as really over the top. I can’t help it. I can play it cool, sure, but as soon as I get a drink in me, all that vagueness builds up and overloads into ten messages in a row of me talking about how fit someone is and how much I like them and how good they smell. It’s actually got to the point now where if I know I’m having a messy night and I know there is someone I shouldn’t be talking to drunk, I’ll actually DELETE their number in advance just to be safe.
I mean some of these things just baffle me. I’ll go out of my way to be so careful to avoid getting in situations like these and then they happen but in a way that’s a million times worse than they could have. And they always make me come across as someone who literally stalks people online 24/7 when it’s genuinely just a one off mistake. God help me.
Have you ever had any dating disasters that you just can’t live down? Let me know!
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